Birthmothers and Open Adoptions

What do you think about when I say Birthmother?  Come on, be honest!

Since we began our adoption journey I have heard so many negative things about birthmothers.  It usually has something to do with she doesn't want the baby, doesn't care about the baby,  just does not want to settle down and handle the responsibility of having a child.  I have heard it all!  And of course, always from people that know nothing about adoption and have no experience with it at all.

What do you think about when I say open adoption?

Most of the time it is "I could never do that", "I would not want anything to do with her".  And again, almost always negative and I have heard it all!

No one will ever understand how much I love Sara!  Most people think it is crazy but until you have been in my shoes don't judge.  Sara was part of God's plan for our lives.   She gave me the one thing I wanted most in life and could not have.  I firmly believe God worked in Sara's life and put her in our paths because He knew I was going to be Jake's momma.   Yes, she was in a bad place in her life and could not provide for a child.  But instead of aborting Jake she loved him enough to place him for adoption.  To give him a life she couldn't.  She loved him!  Have you ever thought about how much love it takes to place a child for adoption.  It is easy to say "I want to keep my baby" even though you can't provide.  In some situations, that is selfish.  Sara loved Jake more than that!  She loved him enough to give him a better life. Two parents who wanted a child more than anything, were in a stable place, and could provide.  Was it easy for her?  NO  But it was the best choice for her and for Jake.

We have had good times and bad times since Jake was born.  We have worked into a great relationship.  We are blessed to be able to talk to Sara and communicate openly and freely.  It has truly been a blessing for me!  I do not allow anyone to say anything negative about adoption or about Sara.  There is nothing negative to say!  She gave birth to Jake and I will always love her and always be grateful to her!

Me and Sara - I had been crying happy tears.

Emma (Sara's sister), Jake, and Sara

What a beautiful bride!

In my opinion, the most handsome man at the wedding.  Sorry Eric!

Eric and Sara

Jake and Emma

Sara, Emma, Jake, Lisa (Sara's Mom), and Kara (Sara's sister)

Sara got married a couple of weeks ago and we were invited to the wedding.  I am so thankful we went!  It was great to go back to the place Jake was born.  We enjoyed seeing her family we already knew and were so glad to meet so many more.  Everyone was so nice and welcoming.  I was a little nervous about how we would be received but for the most part it was awesome.  I was so happy to see Sara in a good place!  She is so happy!   It was an awesome trip!  I hope we don't have to wait as long to see them again.

Jake, me and Mackenzie (Kara's daughter)

me and Jeff with Sara's family at the rehearsal 

So the next time you hear about a birthmother or open adoption, don't automatically think negative thoughts.  Think happy, heat warming thoughts!  Adoption is a positive thing!

Living Life, One lesson at a time.

Well the Snow house has been in full swing the last couple of weeks.  There has been so much action that I haven't had time to blog.  In the last 3 weeks, I have seen a health scare, unemployment, new hair style, Jake start "big boy school, and Jeff start a new job just to name a few.  It has been interesting to say the least.

So let me catch you up!

About 3 weeks ago I started having a burning feeling under my arm.  Then is spread to my breast and down my arm a little ways.  I called the doctor and went in to check it out.  She found an abnormal lymph node and sent me to a breast surgeon.  Scared me to death!  I just knew I had breast cancer and did my best to prepare for the diagnosis I just knew I was facing.  A couple of days later, a rash broke out on my back and shoulder.  It was VERY painful but I thought it was some side effect from the cancer I knew I had in my body (now I just knew it was all over).  It was really bad!!! The pain was terrible and I could not imagine how bad the diagnosis was going to be.  My appointment with the breast surgeon finally came around and I went, nervous as I could be, but prepared.  It was the shingles! Praise the Lord!  When I went to my doctor the first time, the rash had not broken out and she had no way to know it was the shingles.  The abnormal lymph node was swollen because of the shingles but turned out fine on ultrasound and mammogram.

My thyroid is doing it own thang lately and my hair was in a terrible mess.  It looked like it had been singed about 3 inches from the root all the way down the hair.  It was a hot mess.  The only way to make it look any better was to cut it all off.  So now I am sporting a short spunky hair cut that is so not in my comfort zone but I do like it.  Jeff and Jake are not fans but at least I don't look sick.  I feel better about myself because my hair isn't in terrible shape anymore.  Here is hoping the thyroid problem will react to medicine and as my hair grows out it will look normal, or at least normal for me.

My job was eliminated and I am currently unemployed.  First time in my life!  It is a BIG change for me and again, I am NOT in my comfort zone at all.  This is the first time in my life, or since I was 16 that I haven't been working, making my own money and supporting myself and helping support my family.    I took the job I was working as a leap of faith and I do not regret it at all.  I was working for a very dear friend and his company and being healthcare, there had to be some restructure.  There are no hard feelings toward him at all and I hope to have the opportunity to work for him again.  The hardest thing has been, I found my passion while working the last month or so for him in a totally different place than I had ever looked - in long term care.  I was working in the corporate office and the company owned long term care facilities.  When the restructure was approaching, I didn't want to just sit around, so I went to the facility and started working with the admission team there.  It was an amazing job!  For the first time in my life, I looked forward to Monday and going to work to encounter new people, help new families out, and help residents transition to the facility.  I simply loved it!  I hope I can find a job doing something similar and fell like the work I do helps people.

Jeff took a new job with the same employer.  After 20+ years, he is working inside, out of the weather.  He is working 4 -10 hour shifts and is home 3 days a week.  He will be able to help with school pickup and drop duties.  Jake likes us all being here in the morning while he is getting ready for school.

And Jake started "big boy school"!  My baby is in Pre-K3.  I cant believe it.   He loves it and he has already learned so much.  In just two weeks, I am amazed at how much he has changed.  He thinks eating lunch from the cafeteria is awesome.  Of course, he still has to take his own snacks and juice.   He has fallen in love with the sand box on the playground.  I am sure they will have to add more sand in just a couple of weeks because he brings at least a bag home in his shoe each day.   He has new friends that he loves playing with.  But he does miss his friends.  He asks about his "Mrs. Candace" friends a lot.  We even had to go to the football game at school Friday night.  He was so excited!  He is just not a baby anymore and it makes my heart sad.

So through all of these events, I have learned a lot of "life lessons".  Or at least, been reminded of some!

1.  Always stop and give God control.
2.  Never doubt what was done in good faith.
3.  True friends will be there in good times and bad.
4.  Life is to short to live with regret.

I already knew these thing, but sometime you have to stop, regroup, and refocus.  I know that I am right were God wants me to be.  I just have to be patient and let God work.

Here is a picture of Jake on his first day of school.  Isn't he just a doll!  I can't imagine not being "Jake's Momma".  I am beyond blessed!

Now here is a picture of how the board was supposed to look.  He erased it just before we were ready to take the picture so I had to draw it again that afternoon and retake the picture.

My little Noonday get together

If you haven't heard me say or seen my post on Facebook, my friend McCall and her husband Lee are adopting a little girl from the Democratic Republic of Congo.  She is also a Noonday Collection Ambassador and is using Noonday to help fund their adoption.  So she asked me to have a show in July and I agreed "only if it helps in your adoption".  I used to LOVE to have home shows and party's but I have gotten to the point that I really don't like them. I just get all stressed out, is my house clean enough, are the snacks right, is anybody coming, oh no! I am running late and it is almost time to start, the stress just goes on and on.  But, when she said yes Noonday was helping fund the adoption, of course I said yes!  And I had until July!

I have known McCall for a long time.  We are friends by chance, but not really because God has a hand in everything that happens.  About 9 years ago (give or take a few) McCall was a first year teacher and had agreed to help with the junior high pom/dance team.  My cousin was on the team.  We got to know each other that year through camp, uniforms, fundraisers, etc.  That was the year she met Lee, if I remember correctly!  We have never been "close friends".  Don't talk on the phone, don't keep in touch other than Facebook and blogs.  But McCall has always been someone that inspires me!  She is a mover and a shaker!  When she sets her mind to it you better watch out because it is coming at ya!  She is crafty, smart, funny, creative, energetic! So many things I could say!  McCall's blog has been my favorite for ever!  I love it and I get to keep up with her and her sweet family.  It makes a difference when you actually know the person writing the blog.

So I had to help her out with her #bringemilyhome efforts.  Anyone that knows me knows if you mention adoption I will do what I can to help out!  So I had a Noonday Collection Show.  Yes all the normal stressors were the first guest to arrive!  But you know what, it was a great time!  I had friends and family that came and we had a great visit.  We got a little closer to getting Emily home!  And I had a chance to catch up with McCall after way to long!    I can't wait for you to hear more about their adoption and adoptions from the Congo in general.  It really spoke to my heart!  At this point, I do not think God has adopting again in store for me and Jeff but I can tell you my heart has been stirring thinking of ways I can help McCall and others even if it is just by wearing my Noonday Collection and spreading the word.    There are all different ways to help, some are called to adopt, some are called to help in other ways.  I am asking God to show me how to help make a difference, even if it is in just one life!  Go to McCall's blog and read about their story, pray for Emily, the Aldridge's and see how you can help!

Me and McCall at my Noonday Collection.

Look at our super cute jewelry!  You need to check it out!

Train up a child......

So are you a believer?  We are at the Snow house and we are trying to raise Jake in an environment that will shape his future in a positive way and have him grow up loving the Lord and being a servant of His.  For me, it is really challenging.  I really don’t know why, I was raised in a Godly home with Godly parents that taught me about Jesus from as early as I can remember.  Church and church actives were something we did as a family and I loved it.  But for me, I have a hard time explaining all of Jakes questions, not only about God but about life.  He is just too dang smart for me!  He can out think me most of the time!

The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it."  That has been ringing in my ears a lot lately.  God says if we train our children right they will not depart from it and become heathens.  I am trying my best to train Jake right but there aer so many things that I don't have anwers for.  Is that normal?

Here are some of the things that we try to teach Jake and the questions he asks.

Jesus Loves You.  Then he asks "where is Jesus?"  I explain that Jesus is in Heaven.  Then he wants to know where heaven is.  Then he wants to know who else is in Heaven.  I tell him family members names that I believe are in Heaven.   The questions continue with things like "where does Pop live in Heaven, does he have a house, how do you get to Heaven" And to be honest I don’t know how to answer so that a 3 year old will understand.  I try to give him the simplest answer on a 3 year old level that I can but I am not sure I am doing or saying the right things.

Is Jesus Mad?  This is usually asked when he doesn’t want to say his prayer or blessing.  I never say "yes Jesus is mad" I usually say "Jesus likes for you to pray to him and tell him what is on your mind" But is that the right answer?

To say his blessing and pray before bed every night.  I can honestly say he prays the sweetest prayers at night.  In his own little 3 year old way, he prays for his dog (and tells God what Mya has done bad that day), he tells The Lord what he has done bad, he prays for his ShuShu and his Daddy almost every night, and also prays for various other people.  Most people would hear the prayer and say it is wasted but I know the Lord understands what he means and what he is asking for.    His blessing is the old "God is good, God is great" but he has gone from everyone at the table saying it to wanting to say it by himself. 

To not judge people for who they are, what color their skin is, what the financial status is, what they have done in the past, what their sexual orientation is, etc.
Jeff and I both believe that you have to take people for who they are and what they are.  If someone is not friendly it may be because of something they are going through.  You never know what burden someone is carrying and a friendly response from someone might make all the difference in the world.  I believe most people are basically good people.  But we all struggle with different things and that makes a difference in who we are.  God made everyone equal so how can we judge based on skin color....that just doesn’t even make sense to me...Really?  I firmly believe I am not the judge.  If people don’t live like I do or believe what I believe it is not my place to pass judgment.  God is the judge of us all and I cannot be worried about someone else because there are plenty of things I will have to answer for.    Don't get me wrong, I think there are some cases when you have to be careful and protect yourself but there is never a reason to be ugly to someone or hurt their feelings just because you want to do so.   You can be nice to them, speak, treat them like you want to be treated and still protect yourself.   God don’t like ugly!  Jake does really well with this one and I hope it is something he will always embrace.  As he gets older, I am sure this one will get tougher but we are trying to lay the ground work now.

Respect   This is a tough one right now!  Jake is going through the terrible 2's at almost 4!  He just wants to do what he wants when he wants it.  He is big into hitting adults, locking doors in your face, all kinds of fun stuff.  And before you say "I'd whip his butt".  We have tried that....honestly doesn’t work!  Time out works OK but doesn’t really bother him, taking toys away - he could care less, the only thing that seems to work is not playing outside with the neighborhood kids.  So there are a lot of days that we don’t go out.   But I am praying that the basics of respect are there and it will kick back in.  We are just struggling for power now!  Of course, it is much worse with me and Jeff than any other adult.

Let me know your thoughts and how you handle all of the hard things that come with parenting!  I find myself praying a lot and just saying "Lord I don’t know what to do or what to say but help me do the right thing".

And of course, before you go you have to see a picture of my little man!  We went to get ice cream Saturday night and he did not even make it to get his...he was out like a light!  Jeff brought him the house and put him in the bed and Mya (his dog) could not find him.  She never lets him get very far and she was worried and looking everywhere.  I picked her up and showed her where he was and she had to get down.  She snuggled up next to him and went to sleep!  So Sweet! And to think I didn't really want a dog!

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Adoption Questions

If you have ever read my blog or if you know me at all, you know Jake is a blessing from adoption.  Jeff and I are parents to the most wonderful little gift any parent could ever ask for.  Any time someone finds out Jake is adopted I get all kinds of questions and I take time to answer them all.  I have found adoption to be part of my mission and I try to use the opportunity to talk about how wonderful Jake is of course, how blessed we are, and most importantly how we were blessed and God worked through adoption for us.  There were some really hard times before we were matched with Jake's birth mother and I would not have made it through with God pulling me along the way.

So today I am going to answer some of the most frequent questions I get about adoption.

Is he really adopted?
yes he is adopted,  I didn't make that up.  He is a normal little boy with 10 fingers, 10 toes, and one head  People have said to me "oh I want to see him" and I just try to laugh it off and use the opportunity to share our adoption story with them.  It is just a fear of the unknown.

Does he know he is adopted?  Will you tell him he is adopted?  Do you talk about it?
Yes, yes and yes!  Jeff and I decided before Jake was ever born that we would be open with our child.  No secrets about who he is, where he came from, or how we are his Momma and Daddy.  I did not want to sit down one day and have "the talk" and have Jake think we had been lying all the time.  Besides we did not want him to doubt us about others things like God.  We have talked about our journey openly and as much as his little 3 year old mind can understand he does.  If you ask him who's belly he grew in he says "Sara" and who's heart did you grow in "Momma's".  He will tell you he has two Mommie's... a tummy Mommie and a heart Mommie.

Do you talk to his birth mother?
yes we do!  There have been good time and tough times for everyone involved.  It has been difficult for everyone at times.  Thankfully we have worked into a great relationship and we are friends with Sara.  I tell everyone you have no idea how much I love Sara - her gift of Jake allowed me to be a mother.  Until you have that connection with someone you will never understand.  I wanted to be a Momma more that anything in the world and I could not do it myself.  Sara gave me that chance and I am forever grateful.  Sara is getting married in September and we are going to the wedding.  I am very excited to see her again and be there for this big day in her life!

  

Me, Jake, Sara, and Dusti (Sara's daughter)

August 2010

Sara and Eric.....isn't she a doll!

June 2013

How much does it cost?

This is my least favorite question.  It is not an easy one to answer and to us it was not about the cost.  We were blessed to have help from my parents and without them we would not have been able to do it.  We also lost a ton of money in a failed adoption before we met Sara.  That agency was corrupt and we lost everything.  (that will have to be another post)  And all adoptions cost different amounts depending on if you use an agency, just go through an attorney, or go through the state.  

Could you "tell them what you wanted"?

Yes but we did not.  We wanted a baby and it didn't matter if it was a boy or girl.  If I had been pregnant we would have gotten what God wanted us to have so that is exactly how we looked adoption.  And I am so thankful we were blessed with a Jake! 

Where is he from?  

Jake was born in Iowa, USA but he is straight from God!

How old was he when you got him?

brand new!  We were there the day he was born.  Sara even invited us to the ultrasound in July before he was born in October.  What a blessing!  

Would you do it again?

YES, YES, YES!!!!  There is no way to describe the blessings I have received through adoption!  Most importantly I am Jake's Momma which is the most amazing thing in the whole world!  I have learn so much about myself, my faith has grown, and I have learned how to look for the positives in every situation.  I have made wonderful friends that I would have never met unless I had adopted.  I have a wonderful friend in our social worker Gloria.   She is a blessing from God and still is a light for me in any storm.  She always knows what to say when I am struggling. 

What is your advice for me if I adopt?

Pray a lot!  Do not be force into any situation you are not totally comfortable with, you have to be able to provide for the child so know what will work with your family.  And hang on to your socks!  you are going on a wild ride but you will never experience anything so wonderful and blessing!

I cant say enough about our experience!  I am beyond blessed!  If you have any other questions or just want to "talk adoption" give me a shout!  I would LOVE to share with you!  

Before I go you have to see a picture of my sweet little man!

Bone tired after fireworks on July 4th.  

Well I am back!  I guess you could say I took a little break but that would be an understatement.  I simply got out of the habit of blogging and life got in the way.  I have always hoped my blog would be a scrapbook of sorts for Jake so he will have a little bit of a gap!  I will try to catch everyone up here!

Let it Snow 2012 and 2013

Jake is now 3 and will turn 4 in October.  Cute, sweet, smart, feisty, funny as all get out!  I can't say enough about this little man!  And he still LOVES his Mommie!

Isaac was born in May of 2012.  He is Jake's cousin and it took Jake a while to decide he liked Jenn again and it took Isaac even longer to decide he liked me.  Now we are buddies most days.  But he still mean mugs me a lot!  Isn't he a cutie!

Ben and Jane Claire are just growing so fast!  They are not little anymore!  :(  But they are great cousins and Jake loves them a ton!

Jake played t-ball!  It was a scream!  He would play a while, then sit down and refuse to move.  Most of the time he walked around the bases instead of running.  Sometimes he just decided to run to the dugout and forget running the bases BUT the snacks were great!

I changed jobs.  I left the hospital after 24 years and moved to long term care.  I love it!  I have more opportunity to be with Jake.

Jake went to 2 year old pre-school.  He loved it!  He made lots of great friends and learned a ton!  Painting was the best!  

He fell in love with TWO others girls!  First Mrs. Lisa and then Ellie!  Both are cute and sweet so I didn't mind to much.  Mrs. Lisa was his teacher (and my high school friend) and Ellie was his classmate.  

Jake and Ellie!

Jake and Mrs. Lisa

Anyway, we have lots of changes, lots of first, and FUN, FUN, FUN!

I promise to be more current with my blog!  Check back often to see more about Life with Jake's Mommie!

And stop by my friend McCall's blog to learn all about her adoption for the Democratic Republic of Congo and #helpbringemilyhome!